I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
