I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
