I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize