ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
