So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
