my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
