Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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