Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
