saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize