when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
