my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Vodka?
Forever.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
