so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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