I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
