I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
