toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
