she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I did not marry a roomba.
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