I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
