i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
