Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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