i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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