theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
