she looked like the bat from fern gully.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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