his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Success! We fucked roommates!
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