i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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