last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
