i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
