Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
