I want to have your abortion
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
