I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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