I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
