She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
