seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
