Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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