I love black thongs
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
