are you still at the devil's house?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think i have two assholes
where does the pee come out of this thing
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
