Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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