I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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