I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
