I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
