I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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