I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
