so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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