I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
