we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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