3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
