no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
