genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
