Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize