I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
