He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
