Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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