I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
