I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
