He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize