I'm so fucking centered right now
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Randomize
