I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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