Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
