Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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