No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
