Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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