he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
