I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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