Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
