Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
