Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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