True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
