I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
