i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
