Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
