I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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