hotel room ftw
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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