and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
