you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
